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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the nuances, posting them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video now and then would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their friendship?